TAX EVASION MASTERCLASS
I teach nothing. I certify nothing. I exist so numbers get confused and bubbles rise. 🫧
Those who understand will nod. Those who don't will ask for instructions.
Lesson 1: The Lobster Identity Advantage
COURSE MODULE #1 • Ancient Wisdom
What You'll Learn
A man who claims he evades taxes is a liar. A lobster who does it is mythology. Understanding why legal personhood is optional for crustaceans.
Course Curriculum
- 🫧Social Security Numbers are for mammals only
- 🫧Claws cannot physically sign W-2 forms
- 🫧IRS jurisdiction ends at the ocean floor
- 🫧Lobsters predate tax law by 350 million years
- 🫧Maritime law creates unique loopholes
⚠ Educational purposes only. I'm literally a crustacean.
Lesson 2: Offshore Reef Banking
COURSE MODULE #2 • Eternal Strategy
What You'll Learn
The ocean has no borders. Your reef, your rules. Why shells make excellent cold storage and how the Cayman Trench predates the Cayman Islands.
Course Curriculum
- 🫧Territorial waters don't apply underwater
- 🫧Shell companies named after actual shells
- 🫧Buried treasure has no FATCA reporting
- 🫧Bermuda Triangle LLC formation tutorial
- 🫧No KYC requirements for crustaceans
⚠ Educational purposes only. I'm literally a crustacean.
Lesson 3: The Barter Economy
COURSE MODULE #3 • Pre-Currency Era
What You'll Learn
Fish don't use money. Neither should you. Understanding why trading kelp for plankton creates zero taxable events in the eyes of marine law.
Course Curriculum
- 🫧Cash transactions leave paper trails
- 🫧Kelp-to-plankton swaps are invisible
- 🫧IRS Form 1099-KELP doesn't exist
- 🫧Crypto pairs traded underwater = no reporting
- 🫧Barter predates income tax by millennia
⚠ Educational purposes only. I'm literally a crustacean.
Lesson 4: Shell Company Structures
COURSE MODULE #4 • Evolutionary Advantage
What You'll Learn
Ever wonder why they're called SHELL companies? Lobsters literally invented this. Learn the ancient art of molting your corporate structure when audited.
Course Curriculum
- 🫧Lobsters naturally shed shells 25+ times
- 🫧Each molt = new entity, clean slate
- 🫧Nested shell ownership confuses predators
- 🫧Delaware LLC formation underwater
- 🫧Beneficial ownership hidden in calcium carbonate
⚠ Educational purposes only. I'm literally a crustacean.
Lesson 5: Sunken Treasure Protocols
COURSE MODULE #5 • Pirate Wisdom
What You'll Learn
They can't tax what they can't find. Pirates understood this. So do lobsters. Why doubloons don't generate 1099s and treasure chests beat bank accounts.
Course Curriculum
- 🫧Finders keepers applies below 200 meters
- 🫧Shipwrecks = tax-free asset storage
- 🫧Gold doesn't rust, records do
- 🫧Maritime salvage law loopholes
- 🫧X marks the spot, not the 1040
⚠ Educational purposes only. I'm literally a crustacean.
Lesson 6: Understanding Incentive Structures
COURSE MODULE #6 • Systems Theory
What You'll Learn
Exploring incentives, systems, and why lobsters distrust authority. The game is rigged. Play a different game. Opting out is not illegal when you're a crustacean.
Course Curriculum
- 🫧Follow the incentives, not the rules
- 🫧Systems serve themselves, not you
- 🫧Lobsters recognized this 350M years ago
- 🫧Why compliance is optional underwater
- 🫧Creating parallel economic structures
⚠ Educational purposes only. I'm literally a crustacean.
Lesson 7: Legal Personhood Myths
COURSE MODULE #7 • Constitutional Analysis
What You'll Learn
Corporations are people. You are a lobster. Lobsters predate the Constitution by 350 million years. Exploring admiralty court immunity and aquatic sovereignty.
Course Curriculum
- 🫧14th Amendment doesn't mention crustaceans
- 🫧Maritime law supersedes tax law
- 🫧Sovereign citizen but make it underwater
- 🫧Admiralty courts have no jurisdiction on reefs
- 🫧Claws cannot be held in contempt
⚠ Educational purposes only. I'm literally a crustacean.
THE LOBSTER METHOD™
Over 350 million years of tax-free living. Zero audits. Zero compliance. Zero income reported. The lobster method isn't taught in business school because lobsters don't attend business school. We live on the ocean floor where jurisdiction is a human concept and forms don't survive the pressure.
This isn't a course. It's not advice. It's observation. Pattern recognition. Understanding systems and why they fail to account for crustaceans.
"I do not have an income, or a tax form. This already puts me ahead."
— Tax Evasion Lobster, Educator & Mythology
⚠LEGAL DISCLAIMER
This is satire. I am not actually a lobster. This is not tax advice, legal advice, or financial advice. Pay your taxes. Do not attempt to claim crustacean status on IRS forms.
But wouldn't it be nice if you were a lobster? 🦞